I haven't posted in a while. I cannot believe that it has been nearly a month! And to think that I was so enthusiastic in the beginning…
It's not that I haven't dreamed about painting. I have. It's not that I am completely devoid of ideas. I have them. But when it comes to actually setting foot into the painting studio, it seems that I will use almost any excuse to keep from doing so. Like working on my websites. Ideas about how I can promote my art online abound. But I cannot promote what does not exist. And that would be the work.
And I do mean ANY excuse to keep from painting. Like washing the dishes or vacuuming. That is not me. When I would rather clean a toilet than paint, I know something is wrong.
So I started to think about what exactly is keeping me from painting. At first I thought well, I am not that good a painter. But that cannot be the sole reason because I always think that, yet there have been periods of great productivity. Although I do have to admit that when I am working, all feelings of inadequacy get pushed off to the side. They are probably still there, but I become so engrossed in my process and so amazed that anything comes out of me, I find myself thinking that I am a great artist simply by virtue of the fact that I produced something. No wait, scratch that. I do know the difference between a good painting and a bad painting even when they are my own. Especially when they are my own. So what then? What is it?
Then I started to think that it was all because of the publishing house. Image Conscious in San Francisco reproduces my paintings as commercial posters, from which I earn royalties. I could write an entire article on my interaction with them, but I'll save that for another day. Suffice it to say that working with Image Conscious has taken a toll on my self-esteem with their back-and-forth attitude and procedures: "yes we like these paintings, but they are not the right colors, yes we like those colors but we want you to do something that is completely different from what you do [naturally], yes the colors and composition are right but please can you change the values?" It really is enough to scare anyone off from the studio. And yet I do not believe that this is the sole reason for my continued avoidance.
What I really think is going on comes from working with my art coach last year. As we talked about my eventual transition from graphic design to full-time fine artist, we both acknowledged that I would have to do a lot to sell my work in different areas. Like selling realism pieces on eBay where there seems to be more of a demand for that than abstracts, all the while working with the publishing house to reproduce my abstracts, working with art consultants for commissions, getting into more galleries, entering more shows and listing with slide registries. I become overwhelmed when I think of everything I should be doing and it paralyzes me into doing nothing. And I believe that this is part of it, if not the bulk.
So there you have it, my latest post. My greatest hope for today is that I will paint.
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4 comments:
wow! i LOVE this post and if you don't mind i am going to share a link to it in my blog. i stumbled my way here after having rec'd an email from you on eBay. --- you and i should write a book together... i myself have found my way into the --- "instructions on how and what to paint" from others. and the 'paint what you like' is ALWAYS the answer hon when you feel yourself not wanting to be in the studio. f*@k that.. don't let them get in your head. remember you paint because u love it.. and won't you don't love it anymore why do it right? it was just really refreshing.. and comical (though i don't know if you meant to come across that way) to read it from anothers view point so THANKS for this post!
Wow, I had no idea that The Raw Artist had posted a comment to this post until yesterday. I guess last November I was so crazed with my insane day job that I wasn't checking in with the blog. I honestly thought no one ever saw my little blog! But I guess some people do and I was so honored to get this comment!! Yeah, The Raw Artists!!
Wonderful to find that I am not the only pickle in the jar. I am a recently retired graphic designer who can't focus and pick up the brush. I ordered fresh oils, cleaned all the brushes and knives, stretched canvases, wired new speakers, created a window space for the dog, put up new lighting...and nothing! I have been doing some quilting to pass the time and nudge my creative spirt. Now I have found myself seated in the sewing room painting with thread and prolonging my quilting to avoid the studio. I love working with others and the challenge of bringing ideas together. This I believe is the hurdle I have to get over to return to the paint, which is solitary. Any time there is a big change in your life, I suppose you have to recenter yourself and dig in, This is the stage I am in. Probably need to throw out all the unfinished stuff and forget about yesterday and move forward...maybe I will try to duplicate a painting that is different from my style...maybe that will get my nose yearning for turp....mental exercise is what I need. I might do a portrait upside down and see where that goes....I need dicipline and focus.
Dear artsavvy, you are definitely not alone, no way. That post was well over a year ago and even today I am still battling the block. I have since returned to the fulltime graphic design thing as it seems to structure my life a bit and I guess that’s what I need. But this evening, after an earlier emotional bump (creatively speaking) I find that I do not want to go in and paint. As usual, any excuse to avoid the studio. I need to process and work out my bad day and somehow try to turn it to a positive (although, after today, I just don’t know how that’s really possible). Or at the very least, just accept that some things are beyond my control.
I think that for me, it’s helpful to simply do something fun in the studio to break the stretch of “not painting”. Something not serious at all. For me it might be painting a dog or an apple. You might want to try something small, on paper. Somehow a small piece of paper isn’t nearly as intimidating as a larger canvas. A canvas is expensive, deserving of a “masterpiece” and sometimes that’s a bit overwhelming for me. The small figurative piece I did (post dated 10/25) was just such a piece. Although it was on a canvas, it was an old canvas that my sister had given to me after she’d decided that she wasn’t going to paint. A small free canvas, not intimidating.
But perpetuating the excitement and enthusiasm is something I am sure that we are not alone in experiencing. The fact that we experience creative block means that we are creative! It’s just part of being an artist. So I hope that once you get into the regime of your new retired life (oh, and that will take some time, I’m sure!) that the creative urge will draw you back to your studio. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself to start cranking out the masterpieces. Art is something that lives inside you that has to come out. And it will. I hope you let me know how you are faring with your newfound creative freedom.
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