Monday, May 21, 2007

Back to the Sketchbook

And so one thing I started to do about my painter’s block is to take the pressure off a bit.

Not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before, I sketched. This was a day when I would normally expect myself to paint all day. Instead, I told myself that I could have the “day off”. To do whatever I would like. Yes, I played on my computer, looking at website designs and art. And then I felt the “stirring”. But rather than paint, I worked in the sketchbook and just let myself be okay with that. I sketched something from a printed promo piece, I re-sketched something I pulled out of my sketchbook from three years ago, I sketched ideas that were just inside my head inspired from an illustrator’s website and a photographer’s site I had passed by during the day.


Not great stuff, but I had fun and it made me feel like an artist, something that had been eluding me since I was not in the studio much.

Battling the Painter's Block

I haven't posted in a while. I cannot believe that it has been nearly a month! And to think that I was so enthusiastic in the beginning…

It's not that I haven't dreamed about painting. I have. It's not that I am completely devoid of ideas. I have them. But when it comes to actually setting foot into the painting studio, it seems that I will use almost any excuse to keep from doing so. Like working on my websites. Ideas about how I can promote my art online abound. But I cannot promote what does not exist. And that would be the work.

And I do mean ANY excuse to keep from painting. Like washing the dishes or vacuuming. That is not me. When I would rather clean a toilet than paint, I know something is wrong.

So I started to think about what exactly is keeping me from painting. At first I thought well, I am not that good a painter. But that cannot be the sole reason because I always think that, yet there have been periods of great productivity. Although I do have to admit that when I am working, all feelings of inadequacy get pushed off to the side. They are probably still there, but I become so engrossed in my process and so amazed that anything comes out of me, I find myself thinking that I am a great artist simply by virtue of the fact that I produced something. No wait, scratch that. I do know the difference between a good painting and a bad painting even when they are my own. Especially when they are my own. So what then? What is it?

Then I started to think that it was all because of the publishing house. Image Conscious in San Francisco reproduces my paintings as commercial posters, from which I earn royalties. I could write an entire article on my interaction with them, but I'll save that for another day. Suffice it to say that working with Image Conscious has taken a toll on my self-esteem with their back-and-forth attitude and procedures: "yes we like these paintings, but they are not the right colors, yes we like those colors but we want you to do something that is completely different from what you do [naturally], yes the colors and composition are right but please can you change the values?" It really is enough to scare anyone off from the studio. And yet I do not believe that this is the sole reason for my continued avoidance.

What I really think is going on comes from working with my art coach last year. As we talked about my eventual transition from graphic design to full-time fine artist, we both acknowledged that I would have to do a lot to sell my work in different areas. Like selling realism pieces on eBay where there seems to be more of a demand for that than abstracts, all the while working with the publishing house to reproduce my abstracts, working with art consultants for commissions, getting into more galleries, entering more shows and listing with slide registries. I become overwhelmed when I think of everything I should be doing and it paralyzes me into doing nothing. And I believe that this is part of it, if not the bulk.

So there you have it, my latest post. My greatest hope for today is that I will paint.